My mom’s peddling made me furious until I realized that it was precisely what I need.
My mother turns to a drug the moment something unpleasant happens or an unpleasant thought has been vocalized to her. This drug has sustained her through challenges, and there have been some lofty challenges! Mostly emerging triumphant, wiser and stronger and sometimes just high of life is my mother, the user and the peddler.
Her drug is Positivity and she peddles this drug like her life depends on it & and as if it’s coconut oil and the time is 2015’ish.
From politics to potting plants – her ask/solve is to think positive.
I tried that with my succulents. And reported back to her that it doesn’t work out as such. Ofcourse, I knew that! This was was my way of fighting that positivity peddling.
That constant peddling of positivity was infuriating and confusing to me. Confusing because what she peddled was brilliant, true and I am more percent optimist than anything else. Infuriating because .. I had no clue and that made it worse.
The thing is that I spent my 20’s ignoring or let’s say slathering coconut oil on my life and waiting for a miracle. It was not until I turned 29, I self-helped – more of that in a post of its own, at a later time. Today we focus on my annoyance towards my mother’s positivity!
So, I did what I have done all my life – FFO. Figure the F**K Out. (Yes, my posts will have encrypted language once in a while, or all the time or to taste – I am not sure)
Why did my mother’s positivity peddling annoy me when I knew that has value and it made sense? I had to know and I did what I do best, over-analyze, only this time I did it with some method to the madness and it became clear: Positivity without a plan and Positivity without inclusivity are like ‘Thoughts & Prayers’ – sure, it feels good but you are no where close to a solution. And, for most of my issues, I was just whining. I did not have a plan or willingness to actually DO something about it. What I wanted to do was whine and for someone to dole out sympathy. Lucky for me my mother peddle-ed positivity!
I had self-helped myself for big things in life but for the medium and small parts, I whined. I whined when I should be acting.
For example: I whine about these extra 30lbs … 35lbs if I am being honest. I am surrounded by incredible examples of friends & family who are fitness and physical health inspiration. And, the ball is n my court.
So, if you ever find yourself dismissive or infuriated with positivity then I urge you to explore the below before you dismiss the peddler:
Check in with your cynicism. Maybe it’s the hurdle to giving life. people and situations a chance.
Explore opportunities for self-growth and plan in tiny parts. Physical fitness is my goal and mental fitness comes organically to me. I need to apply the same approach to physical fitness as I did to my mental routine – start small until it becomes lifestyle. I need to begin with water intake& 10mins of movement.
No one has a perfect life. Sometimes done is better than perfect, unless you are cooking! But really, just pause, surround yourself with positive inspirations and if you find yourself unhappy, DO something.
When a positive message makes you smile – You are somewhat peaceful. You get it! You may not dwell on it, but you get it. It doesn’t annoy you. You are my inspiration 🙂
This post for my mom – my forever & always positivity peddler. And it has happened.. sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out. I love you, Mom!
For all my extrovert-ness the few things that I find ridiculously difficult are:
🗣 Asking for help – and it’s not a lack of need. Because who doesn’t need help!
🗣 Self Promotion – my resume is a sorry example of that.
🗣 Taking a compliment, especially in person – it’s almost as if I need a credited institution to validate my dry shampoo skills so that I can accept ‘your hair looks great today!’
🗣 Seeing my own worth – I have no quip here because if I start on this, it will turn into a book.
Is it ego at play or need of control or am I just wired that way? Who knows, but it needs to change and I am taking actionable steps!!
And, no I don’t think being an extrovert or an introvert automatically makes the above possible. It’s was my perception that the above may come organic to me as being an extrovert.
😳 It took me only 30days of contemplation before I ‘invited’ family & friends to ‘Like’ my page. And, the push that made me do it was my self-thought of ‘well, I don’t want I spam my personal page with my posts all the time so whoever wants to read my work will ‘Like’ with the Facebook page or better yet will subscribe to the blog’
🗣 This amazing Kathleen Taylor artwork speaks to me – I am a science & signs person – and I spotted it at the cutest store wild oats and billy goats. This will be in my office one day, I will buy it! Because ..
When you announce your intention to the world the responses are a mixed bag. Read on for how to not let that bag weigh you down! Also, trashbird is featured in this post 🐦
If you have read and/or spoke to me then you have heard me announce: I want to create with words & I want to create with design.
Most recipients of these informative lines which are delivered, clearly & confidently, gave me a response.
The actual response was always congratulatory and uplifting. The feelings delivered alongside mostly complemented the verbal thought. The mixed bag of responses goes as follows:
I sensed a question: Does she know how to design or write? What will she write about or what will she design?
My Dad responded with 😂😂😂😂😘😘😘😘👌👌👌👌 because this is how he emotes. I am almost positive he has this sequence of emojis saved. Also, he called me a genius which we all know is not true.
I sensed an admiration for the thought clarity.
I sensed an indifferent vibe where a cursory that’s nice, well done is conveyed.
I sensed a practical pause that quietly congratulated me and then got down to inquiring about the plan of execution.
My MIL asked me if I have checked the trademark database and that she will provide verbal marketing when I am ready.
I sensed a genuine spark of interest that lead to questions about the content and entrepreneurship.
I sensed a triggered moment. A moment where the person is transported to a time when they thought they were going to start something that gave them joy. A warm familiar smile follows and then leads to their story.
I sensed silence. The elephant-in-the-room kind. More specifically, I see you, I agree with you, I like what you have to say but I cannot acknowledge you. It is super critical to note that the definition of acknowledgment here doesn’t mean just public social media interaction.
I sensed immense love, kindness, and readiness to help – “How can I help? And I am so happy for you”
My mother responded by sending me a motivational quote on Instagram and ♥️♥️😘👍🏼 She also immediately assumed her role in helping me and she is correct. She is and always will be my right hand.
I sensed annoyance at my clarity and perceived arrogance. Almost as if one wanted to say who are you and what have experienced to share your experience!And I see you, you are not a designer. Girl! Keep your 9to5 and go on. — this is the audience I hope to reach, one day.
No discouragement, yet, for sure. Humbling practical advice at best and it is very much appreciated. Overall, lots of love! Overtime I have consciously surrounded myself with people who are uplifting. Uplifting people that provide constructive response and not discouragement. There is a difference!
The way the world works is that ….
No one discourages a progressing toddler. That response is reserved for adults only. If one is wise they realize that the only source of discouragement to care about is your own thoughts. All of us are guilty of it! I have much to opine and share my experience with this topic but that is for a later day.
One of the response, that I cannot fit in a category, was – You are funny but your writing is lacking humor. I see it showing up in subtlety but people will engage more if it’s funny.
I agree! Presenting to you my favorite bird ..
I am fully aware of things that sell – humor, sex and maybe diet pills! Of the three things that sell I can provide one of them but it has to come organically, so keep reading and sharing my posts ♥️
None of the responses surprised me and for the first time in my life I felt like I knew what to expect. Because its it not for the first time in my life that I have made a major decision and announced it to the world with clarity.
Fun Fact: When I eat something ridiculously delicious & healthy I announce to my husband, all the time, that this is what we will eat once a week from here on. We don’t!
Some announcements are frivolous.
Some announcements are articulation in progress.
Some announcements are a made decision.
I am grateful to have had the experiences that prepared and humbled me for some life responses. Through the years I have found support and love in starting/announcing but its the guidance, post-announcement, that was rare. Truth be told you are on your own and if you are passionate, pragmatic, and persistent you will find a way. Also, a bit of preparation for the immediate responses will make you immune to that immediate discouragement.
Excel doesn’t love me for numbers but I love excel for life organization. In my creative worksheet,I have a tab labeled “When in doubt read this”
This tab has words that I want to say to myself. The words that I do say to myself everyday. The action that I expect myself to take.
Make a tab for yourself in whatever is your version of excel. I will share a snippet of my self-talk:
This is your goal and your dream. No one will understand it fully it and they cannot be expected to understand. If they support it, that is enough. Be grateful for the support.
If you feel lost, like a failure, out of comfort zone and not in control — Feel those feelings and put a 15min timer and cry/scream/do squats/hug/whatever. Then get up take a shower and start again.
Immediate reactions are just that, immediate. Allow someone time to understand your vision, they may be your biggest strength afterward.
You may realize that you grossly over-estimated your talent and that churn of realization will give you clarity on what is your actual talent. Don’t give up!
Remember all those people, processes, experiences, suggestions, platforms and you! – These things got you through darker times. Be that for someone!! You had support but you lacked guidance. Be that guide for someone.
Be ruthless about where you spend your time, energy and love. It is OK to excuse yourself from situations and people. Be where you are welcomed and wanted.
Ask for help. And help when asked.
One day your son will grow up and get to know you all over again with your words and work – be honest and influence a world you want for him.
Make a list of your self-talk and talk to yourself often. Its a great preparation especially when you announce something to the world. Because there will be surprises but you may find a tool in kit to deal with the surprises.
If you already have a list of self-talk, do share your tips in comments. I would love to hear your words!
You are reading this line because you read the whole post. If the words here are worthy of a thought then share it with the world. Share on Facebook and follow me on Instagram it helps me in getting my name out 🙂